Posted by: katlea611 | February 23, 2014

Questions Questions

Yes, I worry.  I worry a lot about my boys.  Am I teaching them enough?  Are they learning enough?  Is homeschooling really the best thing for us?  Are they being exposed to as much of the world as I want them to be?  Or am I such a horrible mother for deciding to do this to our kids?  Yes, even after 8 years, I still have doubts.

The questions are endless and there they swirl, in the depths of my mind – in the wee hours of the morning or just before I go to sleep, they tiptoe into my thoughts and cloud my head.  When I see my boys I wonder:  will they regret having been homeschooled?  Will they want more?

We are not a rich family.  Our resources are limited and so we try to make the best of our situation.  I try to get the boys different materials for learning, but are they enough?  We try to go to different places and see new and exciting things, but are they learning enough?  Is keeping them from an 8am-4pm school schedule really advisable?  How do I know for sure that I’m not doing more harm than good?

It’s scary not knowing the future, not knowing if what we’re doing is the right thing.  We always have our reasons for homeschooling but that certainly doesn’t mean that I’m 100% sure about it.  For all I know I may be wearing horse blinders now or looking at homeschooling through rose-colored glasses.

Yes, the questions never end and the doubts will always remain.  I look at my kids and I think, “What in the world am I putting them through?”  And yet, I feel elated when Ethan learns a difficult topic in Math.  I feel proud when Enzo recites the periodic table at his young age.  I feel amazed when Nikki tells me random trivia, whether it’s about Adventure Time, outer space or just something he came across at that moment.  When we are out on a family trip, I love our bonding time.  I love that I spend as much time as I can with my boys and that because of this, I know them inside out.  Yes, it can be crazy and it can be daunting being with them 24/7 but I guess, that’s just who I am.  I’m just a family person. And I love what we do.  And I love my family.  Is that such a bad thing?

So I suppose I will never know the answers to my questions until my boys are all grown up and tell me to my face, “Mom, you ruined me”.  I’m just hoping with all my heart that that won’t be the case.  There are a lot of homeschool success stories out there and I hope that we will be one of those.  I hope that in the future, when I look back at our homeschooling journey, I could say to myself and everyone, “We beat the odds”.  We homeschooled and we did it.  

Yes, I hope so.  I truly hope so…

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